The Untold Adventure Series
by themuse87
Summary: I may write more of these if I get positive reviews. Please note that any grammatical mistakes are in fact apart of the story and have been included on purpose. First chapter is about Harry Potter. Next one might be about LOTR, but I am still deciding.


I decided to write a Harry Potter Fandub because I thought that the real one was a bit silly…So here it is!

**The Untold (because it was too boring to even be mentioned in the novels) Adventure of… Harry Potter and the Large Drafty Dungeon… With Metal Shackles!**

Harry Potter was sitting in his room all alone one day with no one to talk to but himself, so in a momentary moment of excitement (such behaviour he has been prone to behave in) decided to use the telephone to prank call his best friend, Ron (he has another best friend, Hermione, but not as fun to prank call as Ron, who has less knowledge of Muggle contraptions than a Bubbly Fizzly Poison-Headed Mongol). He did this many times and was overjoyed when Ron did not figure it out. But as things often do…the novelty of this past time wore off rather quickly and was replaced with dirty thoughts involving Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange and an extremely large and somewhat drafty dungeon…with a pair of metal shackles. To fully understand how this situation was wrong, let us readers take a moment to visualise what poor Harry was seeing in his sick and twisted mind.

IN HARRY'S MIND

Voldemort moaned in annoyance and ran a hand through his non-existent hair. Bellatrix laughed and inched closer, the shiny metal shackles in her hands gleaming brightly.

"Oh…can't I kill him?" she whined, gesturing to the small pitiful figure of a crouched man-ish thing, which had just suddenly sprouted out of the ground (Sorry Gimli, I know you didn't just sprout out of the ground…you were born just like a normal dwarf).

"No, we can't kill him…he's too important to our cause," Voldemort lied rather unconvincingly to her. He just wanted to piss Bellatrix off so that he would have a good excuse to finally kill her. Sometimes he wondered whether or not she was capable of being a normal female and feeling the need to nurture…except of course, the 'nurture it to then kill it later' mode. If she was not careful, he would take those shackles from her hands and tie her to the wall and leave her there. No…she'd probably enjoy that too much for it to be normal.

"Um…" Bellatrix was confused. Voldemort kept rattling on about a cause and yet he had never once told her what that cause actually was. She was just following him around because he killed people. And Bellatrix liked killing. It was a match made in heaven. "What exactly is our cause?" she finished.

Voldemort stopped his plotting to get rid of Bellatrix to stand up in front of his almighty throne and glare at her as if she was stupid (which she undoubtedly was).

Bellatrix shivered in happiness. She just loved it when he looked at her like that. So firm in his resolve to kill and destroy and maim.

"Our cause is to kill Harry Potter and then take over the entire known world!" Voldemort exclaimed loudly, becoming more and more agitated as he was near Bellatrix. He needed to kill something. Voldemort silently considered the options open to him. He could kill Bellatrix, but then he would be without an extra follower. He could kill the gnome, but that was his play thing. He used the gnome to piss Bellatrix off. If he killed that…he looked around. Speaking of the bloody thing- where was it? He looked over into the empty corner and sighed. He just hated it when they ran. "Bellatrix, bring the clothes iron and the fire poker…and those shackles. You're going hunting."

"Oooh…I'm going hunting, am I?" Bellatrix crooned, sidling over to where he now sat on his throne. Bringing her face up right and close to his face, she purred, "I just love it when you talk to me dirty!" She planted her lips upon Voldemort's face.

Voldemort pushed her off him in a rage. "Ugh…you're going gnome hunting, you twit!" he raged, rubbing at his mouth disgustedly. He hated her when she did that.

"Hmmph," was all Bellatrix said in reply as she left to go and do as she was bid, leaving Voldemort alone.

That settled it, Voldemort decided. Bellatrix's time was up. He would kill her when she came back from hunting the gnome (he told himself that it was because he wanted to surprise her, but in truth he did not want to go hunting for the gnome himself) and he would finally be rid of her. He couldn't help but grin. He had had enough of her weird shit. Enough of her kissing him without warning- it was just disturbing.

Standing up, he reasoned that he would play with his building blocks while no one was there to see him (What? You thought he would have a BETTER past time?). As usual, the bright colours combined with thoughts of a dead mutilated corpse whose name was Bellatrix, brightened him up considerably. He might even make the gnome his loyal subject after he was done with Bellatrix. He would be free. FINALLY.

In his happiness he saw his pet snake (and lover) come slithering out of her hole. "Nagini. My pet. My strudel and pudding and pie!" He cast the bright building blocks away from him, back behind his throne, where no one could find them.

He thought of Bellatrix's lips pressed up against his and suppressed a shudder. "Nagini, I have a confession to make," he said, caressing his snake's large and somewhat frightening head, "Bellatrix kissed me. But I did NOT kiss her back that I swear upon all my nine horcruxes, including this one right here," he pointed to his heart, his eyes beseeching for Nagini to understand. "There is only one love in my life, Nagini and that is YOU!"

Nagini curled herself around her master's leg and replied in Parseltongue, "Yessss…I sssssaw itttt….I mussssstttt admittt I radder likkkked itttt."

Voldemort smiled and stroked her scaly skin feeling happier than he had in days. After all the plans to kill Harry Potter had not gone so well. He could feel a change in the air. Things could only get better from here on in. But first- the death of Bellatrix. He would have to make it look like an accident so that he didn't concern the others. But that was his favourite part. "Oh, Nagini- this is pure contentment. With you at my side, I shall rule over this world and the next and…possibly the one after that!"

OUT OF HARRY'S MIND

Feeling slightly grossed out and wondering about whether or not he was mentally unstable, Harry decided to make something of these thoughts. He pulled out a pen and a piece of parchment out of his drawer and began to write them down so he could torment Voldemort with it the next time they met.

_**The END…**__**Or is it??**_

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think it is the weirdest thing I have ever written. I may write more of these if I get positive reviews...


End file.
